Crystal Coates

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  • Suffering
    Delicately pink and offendingly small. Small enough to hold what once was two souls in their unfinished frames, and yet big enough to bury all my hope for the future. I stared at the coffin as the numbness ran through … Continue reading → […]
  • A Lesson
    “Mommy, whatcha doing?” “Spending time talking with God, sweetheart.” “Ok, Mommy, I am going to join you. Let me get my Bible.” … “Mommy, God is good, and I will write about Him. He made me beautiful and you beautiful … Continue reading → […]
  • God, Pain and Becoming a Drunk
    I looked down at the amber liquid that sat so peacefully in the glass as the light danced through it, and I desperately tried to will the muscle spasms that were tearing through my pelvis to end. I slowly sipped … Continue reading → […]
  • The Furnace
    I turned down the radio. The song seemed trite, and I have no space or grace for trite right now. The cool fall air had been hijacked by a warm front that left me feeling robbed of the one mercy … Continue reading → […]
  • My Weakness
    My Weakness In November 2014 we completed our one and only round of IVF, “our last try.” The cycle was almost a bust because for reasons unknown at the time my ovaries weren’t responding to the meds. (We would later … Continue reading → […]
  • To Be Seen
    I have eyed the medicine sitting in its bright blue plastic bag in my refrigerator door off and on all day; tonight the shots will begin.  It is a 3-pronged approach to hopefully wake up my ovaries and shock them … Continue reading → […]
  • Gearing Up For a FET
    I stand in front of the mirror and look at my body that has gone through so much. My curves aren’t quite where I wish they were, and I am fluffier than I want to be. My scars are numerous, … Continue reading → […]
  • Why We Are Leaving the Church
    This last week I learned that having been born in 1980 I am right on the line, classified by some as a Gen X’er and by others as a Millennial.  It doesn’t really matter. Some say it is only the … Continue reading → […]
  • Sex Would Never Work
    It was 8 months since I had gone off birth control pills and we began trying. 8 months of timed intercourse, negative pregnancy tests and mounting tension. There was an unspoken ache growing in my womb instead of a baby. … Continue reading → […]
  • 12 Years Later I am Quitting Being a Homeschool Mom
    For the last 12 years I have worked tirelessly to be the best stay-at-home-homeschooling-mom that I could be.  Some of you reading that sentence are applauding me, while others are rolling their eyes and maybe even releasing an audible groan. … Continue reading → […]

Recent Posts

  • Suffering
  • A Lesson
  • God, Pain and Becoming a Drunk
  • The Furnace
  • My Weakness

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