Crystal Coates

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  • The Weight of a “Happy Birthday”
    Each year on this day I have a dialogue in my head about the child who feels like she’s dead… It all started with a phone call. “We have an immediate need for a placement of two sisters, 13 and … Continue reading → […]
  • A Picture of Infertility
    A picture may be worth a thousand words, but the depth of meaning is always in the backstory, the one no single image can ever convey. An image tempts the viewer to fill in the narrative with all of their … Continue reading → […]
  • Grief and Rainbows
    I should be holding you in my arms this week… One thought, stuck on repeat. A deep ache seems to pound in my flesh; my body hasn’t forgotten. It seems to know at a cellular level that a baby was … Continue reading → […]
  • Surrender
    It is 4:15 a.m. and I can’t seem to find my friend called sleep. My mind spins and turns and frantically but methodically tries to comprehend all that is unfolding in this season. The house has a steady white noise … Continue reading → […]
  • Death, Focus and Finding Beauty
    14 years ago I laid in a hospital bed being pumped full of heavy duty antibiotics, an oxygen mask snuggly fitted to my face and a stout, demanding nurse seated at the head of my bed who routinely refitted the … Continue reading → […]
  • What About the Least of These?
    Maybe I have read too much over the last few days regarding all that is pouring forth on my 4×2 inch cell phone screen, or maybe you will think I have read too little but there is just so much … Continue reading → […]
  • Get Back Up
    I believe I first began to use food to “self-sooth” somewhere about age 5. I can remember shuttling away to my bedroom with a box of chocolate hostess cupcakes, certain I had just become a master thief complete with a … Continue reading → […]
  • Honor and Lung Cancer
    My Dearest Mom and Dad, I know you remember this moment, you dreamt of it long after you let all of your own dreams die. YOUR child, a COLLEGE graduate and the first one in our family. Your expressions say … Continue reading → […]
  • Conversation with a Sexual Predator
    I had just entered Costco with my husband and kids when I saw you. You are older, heavier, and balder then you were 23 years ago but your features are burned into my memory like a scared wound.  The revulsion … Continue reading → […]
  • A Birthday Message
    We met mid-October, just 4 months before this picture was taken on your 15th birthday. I can still picture it like it was yesterday, you standing there wearing that black boa wrapped around your neck while your sister sat at … Continue reading → […]

Recent Posts

  • The Weight of a “Happy Birthday”
  • A Picture of Infertility
  • Grief and Rainbows
  • Surrender
  • Death, Focus and Finding Beauty

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