We met mid-October, just 4 months before this picture was taken on your 15th birthday.
I can still picture it like it was yesterday, you standing there wearing that black boa wrapped around your neck while your sister sat at the table. Me 25, you just shy of 15.
Mom number 6, I believe they said.
I can still remember how the goosbumps rippled across my flesh when the whisper echoed through my mind-
“Meet your daughters.”
In fact, just thinking about that moment brings tears to my eyes- every. time.
No way! I immediately started to argue back…
Not because of you and your sister not being worthy of being chosen, you both have ALWAYS been worthy, but because I felt so unworthy, so ill equipped. And I was.
But then God did something only He can, he knit you both deeply into our hearts.
Forever and always.
Nothing and no one can shatter what God bound.
I know, it feels impossible to understand but one day I fervently hope you do.
So today, on your 29th birthday, just over 14 years later, here is what I long for you to know:
I pray that one day you will see and understand…
you were chosen then, you are chosen now, and you will always be chosen by us.
us choosing you is NEVER contingent on you choosing us.
you are loved deeply and passionately, imperfectly but ALWAYS.
I pray that one day you will walk in total freedom…
that the wounds of the past will heal.
you will believe your worth.
you will walk in victory, for that which the enemy meant to destroy you God can redeem and use powerfully.
I pray that one day you will see…
how God has always loved you.
how God has always pursued you.
how God is the only way to the healing place and the land of fulfillment.
how God has created you and sustained you and has great plans for you.
I pray that you would know…
that we understand our love can’t fix everything or maybe anything at all, but we are still here loving you anyways.
that we understand we can’t ever fully understand.
that we know we can never take the place of another.
that we are always fighting for you, no matter where, no matter what, we are fighting for you in the only way we can: we remain and we are lifting you up to the God who is able.
that we long to see the day where you are walking in freedom, enslaved by nothing.
that we still believe that your birth mom is remembering you today, if able.
Happy Birthday to our dearly loved and precious oldest.
We remain here, still loving you, still choosing you, imperfectly but always.
You are worthy.